I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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