What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
