Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize