$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
