so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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