If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
