I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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