based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
