This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
