i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize