Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
