problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
