She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
