Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
