I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
