theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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