The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
