You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so let's talk penis.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
