She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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