She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
