if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
