Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
