hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
