So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
