I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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