your thong is hanging out like whoa
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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