All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
