she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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