A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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