Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
