Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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