Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize