I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
