oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
