so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
