I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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