K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
