I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
