Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
