you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
