Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
