Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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