so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
