No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
