I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
