well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
