I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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