plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
