You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize