i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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