I CAN MOONWALK!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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