i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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