Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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