Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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