i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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