People in love make me want to vomit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
