My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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