The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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