I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
