Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
