I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
