And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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