you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
