Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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