weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
