6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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