1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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