He felt like a one man threesome
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
