I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
