Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
