just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
