Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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