You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize