Dual....:-)
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
