My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
