Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
