She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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