took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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