So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am available for nakedness
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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