I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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