careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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