just come out here and I will go home with you...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
