I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize