Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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