i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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