Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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