I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
