You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
