Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
