Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to make out with him forever
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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