HIV tests are more positive than that guy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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